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A quill floats above a letter reading "Letter to a phantom" on an antique writing desk in a dimly lit, eerie room with torn curtains.

**Письмо фантому** Любимый мой, несуществующий, светящийся из воздуха сотканный, ты был живее всех живых — с огнём в глазах, с плечами для опоры, с голосом, в котором — дом. Ты вышел лучше, чем мечта, потому что не я тебя придумала. Тебя придумала жажда. Тебя придумала боль. Тебя придумал он — тот, кто хотел быть тобой. Ты собрал воедино все мои тайные надежды на великолепного Мужчину — того, о ком страшно даже думать, чтобы не спугнуть вселенную. Семья. Ответственность. Ребёнок. Спокойная сила рядом. Ты сулил мне будущее, как рассвет сулит день. И вот я говорю тебе — прощай. Как странно прощаться с тем, кого нет. Фантом, тебя отпустить легко — ты дым, ты свет на воде. Труднее отпустить его. Вы стоите рядом — ты и человек, натянувший тебя как праздничное пальто на своё маленькое, дрожащее тело. Ты — цельный. Он — в живых нитках. Ты — опора. Он — мальчик на цыпочках, кричащий в толпе: «Смотрите, я ещё вот так могу! Я хороший! Я космонавт!» Ты был мужчиной. Он — фантазёр. Ты — глубина. Он — эхо собственной травмы. Он напивается. Он тонет в долгах. Он танцует нелепое танго, где сублимирует свою недолюбленность. Грандиозное эго, мечтающее о целительстве, и пустые карманы. Живёт с мамой и сестрой. Гол как сокол. Но говорит о великом. Он продаёт иллюзии — нащупывает боль, чешет там, где хочется услышать, и выдаёт это за дар. А где среди всего этого — он? Где тот, кто сможет держать? Кормить? Растить? Быть? Ожидание и реальность стоят рядом, как ты и он. И я стою рядом — немой Mehr sehen

#gothic #writing #vintage

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